....actual email received in the Oval Inbox...
As seen on NBC, CBS, and CNN, and even Oprah! The health
discovery that actually reverses aging while burning fat, without dieting or exercise! This proven discovery has even been reported on by major Science Journals.
Forget aging and dieting forever! And It’s Guaranteed!
- Reduce body fat and build lean muscle WITHOUT EXERCISE!
- Enhance sexual performance
- Remove wrinkles and cellulite
- Lower blood pressure and improve cholesterol profile
- Improve sleep, vision and memory
- Restore hair color and growth
- Strengthen the immune system
- Increase energy and cardiac output
- Turn back your body’s biological clock 10-20 years in 6 months!!!
Sicerely,
Penelope Ledbetter
Ms. Ledbetter,
Thank you for your considerate letter. It warms my heart to know that people out there are looking out for me.
This product must be amazing for it to have been featured on all of those prestigious and reliable networks. If Oprah featured the product then surely it must be a safe, reliable, and healthy product.
Because they are all so remarkable I thought it would be good to respond to each of the benefits that you listed.
- I am also so glad to hear that I will no longer have to use my muscles. Frankly, they are boring and sometimes when I use them too much they hurt the next day.
- Enhancing my sexual performance has been something that everyone seems to be emailing me about. So it must be a good idea. Mostly, those other people are just promoting a product that only enhances my sex drive; they don’t promote an all inclusive solution like yours.
- Unfortunately I don’t have any wrinkles or cellulite to remove. This concerns me. Because I have neither of these will the product backfire and product massive cellulite filled wrinkles all over my body? If that is the case it may reduce my sexual performance. Please advise.
- Lowering things and improving profiles sounds like a good overall plan.
- Improving my sleep, vision, and memory could not come at a better time. Last night I hit my head, forgot where I was and couldn’t see so I slept on the floor.
- When you say restore my hair color do I get to pick which hair color you restore to? If I can I pick grade six because I had the coolest dirty blonde due.
- Strengthening my immune system is so valuable right now. Especially with all of those infected animals around. Cows with mad cow disease, chickens with the avian flu. gophers with monkey pox, etc.
- If you can increase my energy and cardiac output yet still allow me to not exercise and just play Nintendo then I’m all for it.
- I must say that turning back my biological clock is the one major concern that I have. You claim it will turn it back 10-20 years. See…..I’m only 25. Ten years would put me at fifteen. Do you remember being fifteen? Weird things happen to your body around then. Twenty years?! I’d be five. I wouldn’t be able to reach the clutch in my car. Not good. Can I specify the amount of time I want my clock turned back? If so make it turn back to October 1, 2003.
Penelope, overall your product seems to be fantastic. It’s caring people like you that make the Internet a better place to pretend to live in.
Yours Very Truly,
Dan James
The President of the Internet
If you have an issue you'd like to bring up with the President of the Internet please send an email to ovalinbox@ceoblues.com.
Something with an eye seems to be
comingAmazon seems to have jumped into the
search engine gameNickleback - i don't like them.
Here's why.
Never be gagged. A great teaching from 104 years ago.
I have a nintendo hangover.
We often joke about news headlines and how horribly trivial, meaningless, or misleading they are. CNN is often the target. Our local paper, The Guardian, also has a tendency to mess up. It’s usually not with headlines though. It’s with the front page picture. It often has nothing to do with the front page story and is usually confusing as to what the picture is referencing. While they’ve made some mess ups in the past, this one struck me as the most hilarious.
For those of you not familiar with the Lead Story: “Ex-Polar Workers Will Fight for Plant”. A local fish processing plant went bankrupt and its workers are angry and are trying to get the government to keep one of the plants open. Those workers do not have camouflage, machine guns, or helicopters. That is the South Korean Army in the picture.
Recently I was browsing some web-design firms' websites. I followed a random series of links and arrived at a few of the companies’ “mission statements”.
Most companies have a mission statement. Some companies will help you create yours. In most business schools the creation of a mission statement is as key to a business’ success as the sacred business plan.
But what is a mission statement? The dictionary defines ‘mission’ as:
“An inner calling to pursue an activity or perform a service; a vocation.”
So ultimately your mission statement is a description of what drives you or what drives your company. Don’t try to cram your drive, passion, and your inner calling, into one powerful roll-off-the-tongue sentence. That is foolish. If you are compelled to write down your drive then by all means do so. Write a page. Write a manifesto. Create a blog. But do your drive and passion justice. Don’t try to cram it into a one-liner.
If you’re looking for that magic sentence that will create your inner calling, become your staff’s morning mantra, or inspire people to invest in your company you should probably seek professional help.
Steven, fellow silverorange slice, and his crack team of designers have unleased the new artwork for Thunderbird, the Mozilla Email Application.